Ugh.

Boys. are. stupid.

Let me rephrase that: the boys in my life are stupid.  Stupid, I tell you, stupid!  Not only as potential lovers, but as friends and decent, responsible human beings.  It is not worth my time to hang around them.  I need to start making new friends and getting new circles.  These pathetic excuses for man-ness just aren't doing it for me. 

How to Be Alone...?

My soul is tired.  my hope is faltering.  my contentment is beyond reach. 

          and the loneliness seeps in like floods waters into a well protected basement.


Things that I used to find comfort in don't do it anymore:

"If you're happy in you're head, then solitude is blessed and alone is o.k."

          But, I'm not happy in my head.  Alone is not o.k.  I'm sick of solitude.  That's all I know.  I just want to be loved.  Is that too much to ask?

"If you're heart is bleeding, make the best of it.  There is heat in freezing, be a testament."

          But, I'm tired of freezing.  I'm sick of being a testament.  I don't want to make the best of it. This is ridiculous and pathetic and I hate that I feel this way this week of all weeks.  I'm fine.  I'm fine.  I'm fine.

I'm fine?

Consider the Lilies

Consider the lilies of the field,
How they grow, how they grow.
Consider the birds in the sky,
How they fly, how they fly.

He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sheep of His fold,
How they follow where He leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed.

He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sweet, tender children
Who must suffer on this earth.
The pains of all of them He carried
From the day of His birth.

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold.

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold.

Gotta Have You

"Gotta Have You"
The Weepies

Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
I try to make you mad at me over the phone.
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, no, no, no, no,
nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.

The road gets cold, there's no spring in the meadow this year
I'm the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm 'til I'm lying in your arms

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, no, no, no, no
Nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...hmmmmmmm

No amount of chocolate, no amount of crying
No amount of frisbee, no pine
No, no, no, no, no
Nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, no, no, no, no
Nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.

I've gotta have you, gotta have you
I've gotta have you

A Street in England

Sometimes when I'm really homesick for England, I pull this up.  Somehow just seeing the street, the lamps, the cars makes me feel better.  The tidal whir of the tires on wet pavement comforts me. 

http://www.abbeyroad.com/crossing

Dreams

Dreams...what do they mean?  Do they have any meaning?  Are the people and events significant or just the outcome of the contents of my memory shaken up and dumped out into my the REM cycles of my sleep.  Do they have any weight, bearing or significance?  Am I supposed to DO anything with them?  Are any of them messages from God or just...dreams.  I don't get it and I don't know.  I feel like I should do something, I want to do something, and I guess I will do something.  If its a positive thing with good intentions, there really is no harm in that...right?